Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
