he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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