Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
