cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
