Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
