She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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