Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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