it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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