last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
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I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
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The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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