The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
