ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
