you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
