a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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