walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
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Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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