You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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