I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I didn't notice because vodka
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
