i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
