Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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