I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
