You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
