Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
