My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
