I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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