I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
