my vag is so smooth its legendary
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
