I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
