I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
