did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
