1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
