absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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