i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
