My friends, they love my intelligence
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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