he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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