fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
