She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
