i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
