Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
