I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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