I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
