Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
