i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
