He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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