I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
