Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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