Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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