so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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