I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
