If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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