im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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