i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Life without a bra equals bliss.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
