something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
