Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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