He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
