Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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