She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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