hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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