This house was built for laser tag.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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