just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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