If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
did i walk over a car last night?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
