life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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