I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
