So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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