Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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