very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
