my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
