1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
