can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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