i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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