party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
