there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
