remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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