Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
