I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
