Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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