You can't special order awesome
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
