After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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