I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
