You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
There's even glitter on my cock...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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